Something funny happened today that made me think about how people see me differently than I see myself; and how people from this time in my life see me in a different light than people from earlier times of my life.
You see, I have been fighting off a cold for the past week and a half. When it first popped up, inconveniently in the middle of Halloween weekend, I tried to ignore it, and went ahead with my plans for drinking and staying up late. I took care of myself the best I could during the day, but I knew I wasn't helping my body with my bad sleep schedule and booze. I skipped my Monday Crossfit class while spending all day in pajamas and trying not to talk since my throat was killing me. By Tuesday, I decided that enough time had passed and I felt better enough to head back into the gym; I worked out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. All week I felt pretty good! A little bit of a sniffle here or there, but its November, so a little bit of a runny nose is to be expected, right?
Wrong. Come Saturday I felt like I had not beaten my cold after all; the little bugger just snuck away for a few days to get some bigger and stronger friends to attack me worse than before! I didn't go to Cody's soccer party on Saturday night, and I spent most of Sunday feeling awful. By the time I went to bed on Sunday, my head felt like it was going to bust open. When I woke up in the middle of the night coughing so hard that I couldn't stop, with a throat that wouldn't stop itching, and a nose that wouldn't stop tingling and clogging, I knew I was in trouble...
Long story short, I have spent this week trying to beat off this cold with fresh squeezed orange juice, tea, sleep, and lots and lots of tissues. Oh, and Nyquil at night so my poor husband can get some rest! I have had to go out for certain responsibilities, but I have skipped the gym, and have let my eating habits slide. Anything my body wants, I give to it, for better or for worse. I haven't had the energy to care.
Moving on. I was upstairs visiting my neighbor today, talking to her about this lingering cold that I just can't beat, and she was telling me about how she has started running again. First of all, I am so excited for her that she has started to exercise again, because I know she has been wanting to, and I'm so glad that she found time to do something she enjoys! I let her know that I haven't been to Crossfit in five days, and because I am subbing tomorrow, still feel eh, and there is only open gym, that I'm going to be off tomorrow, too. She looked at me with real surprise on her face, and half sarcastically/half seriously said,
"I don't like this! It's not right. This just doesn't sound like you!"
I laughed and went on to tell her about my disgusting diet these past few days, as well... like on Monday where all I ate was an overly sweet and box-made mini-cheesecake on top of a Reese's cup, two chocolate chip cookies, and two eggs all day. And then I totally made "tuna mac" (a gross concoction of Kraft Mac&Cheese, a can of tuna, a can of peas, and crumbled crackers) for dinner and ate too much; which led to a feeling kind of like my body was trying to kick my stomach out of me for being so full of grossness.
The point of my story is this: At first, I just laughed about my neighbor being so shocked about me not working out. And her similar reaction to how I have been eating (especially since she just asked for and received advice from me about Paleo/Primal a couple weeks ago). Afterwards, once the conversation had passed and started to sink in, I thought, It is pretty cool that Crossfit and Primal have become such a big part of my life, that my friends here can't picture me without them.
At one point in my life, probably about a year ago, nobody would have been surprised if I would have said, "Yea, I haven't worked out in 6 days," or, "Ugh, I ate a cheesecake for breakfast and tuna mac for lunch." That would have just been a normal conversation.
It is so crazy how much we can change in such a short amount of time. It is also crazy to realize how certain things we may know nothing about today could become engrained in our lives tomorrow. I am so thankful that Crossfit and overall health have become a part of my life, and apparently have become a part of me. So much so that I can take a week off, and feel confident that I will go right back to where I was before; there is no part of me that wants to continue this break forever.
The coolest part of this story is that I think it is important to take a step back and see ourselves as others see us, not the "haters" and strangers, but those people who actually know us. I think other people see us way better than we see ourselves, what with all of our self-perception and self-confidence issues running amuck. If you have a chance to see yourself as others see you, take it, so you can learn to appreciate who you have grown into, not just who you used to be.
For a really great article on self-confidence and awareness, check out my friend's recent blog post at CrossfitterMama!